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PARTICLE ARTICLE A brief history of Einstein P Haemoglobin. Went to the Copenhagen institute of mad science at the age of five. Before you could say "(Extremely long chemical name)", he had graduated in Quantum botany. Became Professor of genetenarics at Jeanette and Eric's university. Inadvertently donated his liver to science whilst attempting to find an empirical solution to the Konigsberg pub problem. (Arty types: Ask a scientist friend to help you with this joke) It was during this period that he wrote his best selling book, A brief history of closing time, the first chapter of which has been read by over ten million buffoons worldwide. Became infamous as the controversial founder of the military wing of Mensa. Claims he can only effectively operate a Lummer-Brodhun photometer after a couple of pints. He was the first person to successfully patent his own neuroses. Hit the headlines after beating an artist to death with a rolled up copy of Nature. He denied murder, but pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of manslaughter on the grounds of extreme boredham. He remains the only Nobel prize winning physicist to have the Schrodinger wave equation tattooed on his arse. His controverisal speech after being awarded the 1996 Nobel prize for physics for his work on the quantum nature of beer: "I don't need corporate pigs in dickie-bows and lab coats telling me how good my research is. I know how good my research is. I'm the next Newton, mate." In his spare time he enjoys pissing around with highly radioactive materials, and his other hobbies include drinking beer, eating prawn vindaloos, and something to do with lasers.
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fig 1. The chemical structure of Blockbusters.
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