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TRAIN SPOTTING IN THE AFTERLIFE, BY KEVIN ADLAM

Its all about bouncy castles, really. You'll be going along the old M18 at some ridiculous speed, towing your fortress behind you, when, to your amazement a class 33/1 (with flashing light adapter for Weymouth Quay branch operations) will overtake you on the inside and start doing handbrake turns and other BMX type stuff in front of your very eyes!

And that's how it happened really, the accident I mean. I was that busy scribbling down the chassis numbers of the Mk II Df stock that I didn't even see the brick wall that had just been assembled across the hard shoulder and the inside lane. One minute planning my next trip to Crewe, the next, everything dark and peaceful.

And that's how I got to where I am now. The dark side of the afterlife's version of Clapham Junction. "The dark side?" I hear you ask. Well, that's easy to explain. It's all EMUs!

Next week, Class 59s hauling Beelzebub pleasure trains through Slough station.

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